


Pass It On

by Zaniida



Series: Five Moments of Loki [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Additional Tags May Be Added, Depression, FMI, FMNI, Fights, Five Moments of (Nonsexual) Intimacy, Gen, Loki Lives (MCU), Negotiations, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:55:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22158949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaniida/pseuds/Zaniida
Summary: “I’ve been rather busy trying to keep New Asgard from falling apart in your absence.  Do you know, some people here are still of the opinion that you’re their king?”“They’ll get over it.”“Yes, they will.  They’re a resilient people.  For which you are still responsible.  There are people who care about you, whoask meabout you, and what am I supposed to tell them, Thor?  That after all we’ve been through, you just gave up?”
Relationships: Loki & Avengers Team, Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Series: Five Moments of Loki [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1362988
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	Pass It On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tilla123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tilla123/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts), [Cellis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cellis/gifts), [CrazyLikeThat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyLikeThat/gifts).



> So, in the normal way of things -- at least if you're not George Lucas -- it might be reasonable to publish a trilogy by publishing the first part first, and the middle part second, and the final part last.
> 
> In the way of fanfiction, though, it's probably not that unusual to publish the middle part first, and then the first part, and then the last part, and oh by the way only 3/5 of the middle part is up and just 1/5 of the prequel but I'm starting this final section anyway so there.
> 
> It's the thing I had the most written, at least. Several other pieces are just not coming together in a timely manner. Including a couple of other gifts I do still want to post during January here, plus the next part of _Unseen Things_ (which is taking better shape, but slowly), and my Yearly Retrospective (which has to cover two low-overlap fandoms), oh and a Birthday Prompt Fic for Hawkeye sometime today if I can manage it.
> 
> Hope this is enjoyable in the meantime.
> 
> By the by, this is set some time after the Snap, yet some time before the release of Scott Lang, so everybody's depressed in one way or another, and dealing with it via methods with various degrees of unhealthiness, and it'll be a couple years before anyone actually thinks about a Time Heist. If anyone thinks it'd be fun to use Loki as part of the Time Heist, go right ahead; I'm never stingy with my ideas, but I've got way too much on my plate to make this more than a trilogy right now. I'd love to see any offshoots that other people write ^_^
> 
> * * *
> 
>  **tilla** , thank you so much for your encouragement and support! I trust this won't be too terribly traumatizing for you, despite the overarching theme of Depression. At any rate, it shouldn't get anywhere near as dark as _Acceptable Loss_.
> 
>  **Lov_pb** , it might be a bit before my next update of the "Loki wins" fic, but I've been working on the ideas for that chapter (flashback to the capture of Steve and Bucky), and it's just starting to take shape. In the meantime, I hope this gift hits the spot!
> 
>  **Cellis** , I don't do ships (much), so don't expect this to create a strong relationship between any two characters, but it's the first fic during this run that even had them interact, so I thought you might find it interesting. Once I get around to writing that chapter. I do have another upcoming fic that has a big Loki & Steve interaction (with far ~~less~~ greater focus than the rest of the Avengers), but I don't know how soon I might get that done. So many projects, so little time! Ah well. Enjoy!
> 
>  **CrazyLikeThat** … what the heck, dude. Way to freak me out; I was looking for your older pseudonym and thought you completely left AO3. This explains why this current name seemed to appear out of nowhere and my brain was like "why do I know these comments even though it feels like a name I don't yet know?" Anyway, hope you enjoy this, and thank you for reading, and for still being around (okay, heart rate, you can go back to a normal, non-adrenaline response -- deal? (I have anxiety issues with things randomly disappearing online)).

“Is this how you’re to while away eternity? Gaming?”

“It’s fun,” Thor replies offhandedly, not looking his way. “You should try it sometime.”

“I’ve been rather busy trying to keep New Asgard from falling apart in your absence. Do you know, some people here are still of the opinion that you’re their king?”

“They’ll get over it.”

“Yes, they will. They’re a resilient people. For which you are still responsible.”

“Loki,” Thor drawls, fondly but with an edge to it, “if you want the throne, just—”

“ _I never wanted the throne!_ ” Loki nearly screams at him, snatching up a book and flinging it so hard that it knocks down one of the supports for the shelf above Thor’s head. Other books and trinkets cascade down around his shoulders to the crash of breaking ceramics.

“Did you completely forget that conversation?” Loki asks, his voice gone cold and quiet as Thor stares almost blankly at him. “I understand how it might have slipped your mind, what with it being a few of the last words I ever spoke to you before you thought me _dead_. ‘I mourned,’” he adds, mockingly, “‘we all did,’ but you couldn’t be bothered to actually _listen_ to me, let alone take me seriously. And why not? I was mad. Small wonder you found it more credible when you thought I was trying to rule Midgard.”

Seemingly baffled, Thor shakes his head. “What are you saying?”

“You never did know what I wanted, did you? Growing up or at any time since. I wanted our father to treat us as equals, I wanted to stop feeling like I could never measure up to some impossible standard that you seemed to master just by breathing, I wanted any number of things, but it wasn’t the _throne_ , it was never—”

“You _stole_ the throne!”

“I was _handed_ the throne!” Loki counters. “Who else was going to hold it?”

Jolting to his feet, Thor advances on him, and Loki feels a thrill of triumph to have gotten _some_ reaction out of his brother, even if it means they’re about to come to blows. A few months ago, he might’ve been concerned over his own safety, but now that his neck’s been fixed, he’s hale enough to handle himself in combat—and it’ll feel good to let loose, if it comes to that.

“You stole the throne from Odin,” Thor smolders, his fat finger poking Loki in the chest, “and held it for four years while the Nine Realms fell into chaos. Don’t tell me you never wanted the throne.”

“Oh, are we going to talk about missteps during the Convergence? After you defied the Allfather’s edict, and then—because you were relying on my aid yet wouldn’t dare to trust me to get us quietly out of his sight—fled the palace in the most public way possible? What did you think would happen when you came home, Thor? A title, a parade? If he banished you for three days just for causing a little havoc on Jotunheim, how did you expect him to respond over this new act of treason, when he was still reeling from Mother’s death?”

It hurts to throw her memory around like this, but Loki presses the issue. “I doubt he would have executed _you_ , but you did manage to implicate every single one of your friends in your escape. Had the real Allfather held the throne when you returned, it’s quite possible they would have been _hung_.”

“So they would have died a few years earlier, instead of at Hela’s hands. Does it matter?”

“I bought them those four years,” Loki asserts. “I’m as much a wanderer as you are, and yet I gave that up and tied myself to the throne, for the sake of the kingdom. Volstagg’s kids got four more years with their father because of me.”

Thor narrows his eyes and huffs. “Yes, I’m sure that benefit was foremost in your mind that day.”

“Oh, do you want to guess at what was in my thoughts that day? With Odin fallen at my feet, _again_ , after hearing that I was dead? After you’d _left me_ for dead? After you’d brought me along on yet another suicide mission, being so kind as to disown me and threaten my life, shove me out of a flying ship and barely hold yourself back from striking me while I was still in chains?” He pushes Thor back a pace, their gazes locked, twin stares of unquenchable, trembling rage. “Do you want to take a wild guess at what was foremost in my mind that day? More than thoughts of you, or our father, or the fact that I was still _bleeding_ and couldn’t risk going to the healers, or that cold hard knot of feeling for Mother that I couldn’t take the time to deal with right then?

“‘What do I do now?’ That’s what I kept thinking, Thor. _Norns help me, what do I do now?_ And pardon me if you didn’t like my solution. As I recall, I tried to _hand you_ the throne, and you preferred to run off having _adventures_.”

“Adventures?!” Thor splutters. “Tracking down and dealing with problems across the Nine Realms! Trying to prevent Ragnarok! Mopping up the messes that you left to fester when you dropped Odin off at a retirement home on Midgard and blocked his memories and, oh, lest I forget, let him lose his power and _die_. _That kind_ of ‘adventures’, brother? Did you think I was slacking? I was off doing everything that needed to be done!

“For all the good it did,” he adds, suddenly losing whatever energy had possessed him. He turns to clump back to the sofa and throws himself onto it again, staring up at the ceiling. “We still lost Asgard. Our people were cut down again and again and again. And then, as the final insult, I let my lust for vengeance get the better of me, and couldn’t even land a death blow to save the universe. Well, half the universe, anyway.”

He slumps forward, covering his eyes with the palms of his hands. “The golden prince of Asgard. Protector of the Nine Realms. You were right, brother; I wasn’t up to the task. They should just forget about me… it’s better this way.”

Seemingly out of steam, Thor wearily reclaims his controller.

For a long moment, Loki stands there, stunned and not sure what his next move should be. It’s the first time in weeks that he’s roused Thor enough to get off the sofa for anything short of fetching more beer, the first time in months that Thor has strung together more than a few words at a time. And yet even this hasn’t really been enough to effect any lasting change.

There’s a heaviness in his stomach, as though his brother—still here, still alive, still talking to him—has been lost, perhaps for good. Or _will_ be lost, if nothing changes the situation.

“Forget the titles,” he murmurs. “You were the boy I always looked up to, even when I didn’t want to crane my neck that high. And this… we went up against the _Titan_ ; there was always a strong chance that we would lose. Would you shame a warrior fallen in combat, if he fought on to the last?”

No answer, save for the tinny sounds of combat coming from the headset Thor still hasn’t put back on.

“But you _gave up_ ,” Loki says, stepping between Thor and the mortal tech that has so captivated his attention of late. “You sat down. After all we’ve been through, you’re here, you’re alive and free… there are people who care about you, who _ask me_ about you, and what am I supposed to tell them, Thor? That I blew up Asgard’s dungeons, so you’ve locked yourself into this ridiculous _shack_ ?”

When Thor doesn’t reply, he adds, darkly, “Look how far you’ve fallen. What would your Avengers think, if they could see you like this?”

“Why don’t you go ask them?” Thor challenges, bitterly but without much bite. “See what kind of welcome they give you, hmm?”

“After Wakanda? Half of them no longer think me a villain. I stood toe to toe with the heroes and defended this land just as fervently as Odin driving back the Jotnar invasion. Small good that it did us.”

“Good, _you_ can go join them, then,” Thor grumbles. “Even _you’d_ be a better hero than me.”

And with that verbal slap in the face, he flops onto the sofa, turns his back to Loki, and curls up to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just the send-off before the FMI part picks up in the next chapter. Loki's going to see which of the Avengers can help him get Thor to (ugh) _snap out of it_ (okay, now part of me wants to go weave that phrase back into the chapter, and the other part thinks it's a horrible pun and I need to avoid it like E. coli), so each chapter will showcase Loki interacting with one of the Avengers, and then the final chapter will close this off with what, if anything, was accomplished, and how it affects Thor (if it does).
> 
> I seriously doubt that Loki will be winning Therapist of the Year awards for how he tackles the Avengers' problems. Just to begin with, I think he's going to get into a no-holds-barred fight with Hawkeye that might leave one or both of them seriously injured. But who knows? characters have surprised me before. Maybe they'll talk it out.


End file.
